I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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