Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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