I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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