The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
