Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
