The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize