bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
