How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
