I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
