I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
