he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
