If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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