the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
