Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
