Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
