my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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