Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
wow bdsm is so cute
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