Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
