i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize