I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So many bounce houses so little time
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
