Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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