ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
