this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize