using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize