So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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