oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
