hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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