So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
