What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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