My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
