I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
