Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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