Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
