So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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