toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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