come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
