i just wanna soil my oats bro
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
