I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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