We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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