Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
