I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
