He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
