i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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