My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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