youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
