I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
