if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
