what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
