This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
