Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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