are you still at the devil's house?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
