I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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