we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
