She announced her abortion via fbk
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
