i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
wow bdsm is so cute
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