New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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