My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
