Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
