Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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