I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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