Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How's work?
Spinning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
