and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
