she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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