Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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