this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
