is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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