I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
